I spent last year trying to live according to the rules and customs of the Bible. And a few months in, I decided that if I was really going to commit, maybe I should take a shot at polygamy.
It’s a huge theme in the Old Testament. Polygamy was, if not the norm, completely accepted in early biblical times. Jacob had two wives (and two concubines). King David had eight. Solomon holds the record with an impressive seven hundred spouses.
Things, of course, have gone sour for polygamy since then. This morning, I was reading about a particularly dark side of polygamy — namely the (alleged) sleazeball and (accused) megalomaniac Warren Jeffs, the head of a breakaway Mormon sect who is said to have seventy wives. He’s going on trial this week for, as the Times puts it, being “an accomplice to rape in arranging polygamous marriages between under-age girls and older men.”
I never spoke to Mr. Jeffs during my year, but I did do some research on modern-day polygamists to see how it works.
I was surprised to find out there is a small but passionate Jewish pro-polygamy movement. Ashkenazi Judaism officially banned multiple wives in the eleventh century, when the great European rabbi Gershom ben Judah laid down the one-spouse-only law. But you can still find a sprinkling of ultra-orthodox Jews who want to return to the old days. They argue the rabbinical ban was instituted not for moral reasons, but for practical reasons — the Jews didn’t want Christians to be jealous of their cushy domestic setup. Here’s the website where you can order a booklet about it for just $15.
I also spoke to a prominent Christian polygamist. I said multiple spouses is an interesting concept, but how could I convince my current wife, Julie, that she should let me take on a second wife? His suggestion: The preemptive strike. He told me to find a second wife, perform the ceremony, consummate the marriage — THEN tell my first wife. That way it’s a fait accompli. And my first marriage has a better chance of surviving than if I go all wimpy and ask for permission. Hmmm. Sounds about as wise as the time my dad gave my mom a smoke detector as an anniversary gift.
I asked him if the strategy wasn’t a bit sneaky and un-Biblical. His reply “It can end up being more cruel to put a wife through a year, five years, 10 years of worrying that you’re going to take a second wife.”
He then asked if I had a prospective second wife. I told him that our nanny is cute. (My wife agrees. And she’s given me permission to have an affair with her, a la Curb Your Enthusiasm. Of course, Julie gave me the offer only because she knew there was no chance the nanny would ever be interested. It’s like giving me permission to become a linebacker with the Dolphins).
The polygamist thought this was a good idea. It would give me a nice, practical line of reasoning with my first wife — we wouldn’t have to pay the nanny bills anymore.
In the end, I ignored his advice and I did ask my wife for the green light. And in the end, as I suspected, she put the kibosh on it. I was forced to stick with the conventional single spouse.
The weird thing is, in the past few months, Julie has become quite tolerant of polygamy. Just not in my case. She’s addicted to HBO’s Big Love, and says it’s made her see how the arrangement could work for some people. More emotional support. Readily available backup babysitters. And, as Julie just put it to me: “Chloe’s character is good at fixing things so if you marry someone incompetent (no naming names), one of your sister-wives can help you out.”
At the end of my conversation with the polygamist, he became quite agitated. He was talking about persecution of fellow polygamists, and how they are put in jail next to criminals and homosexuals. He pronounced the word ‘homosexual’ with the venom most people reserve for war criminals or Dick Cheney or Crocs.
Apparently, polygamists aren’t so tolerant of other types of sexual behavior.
Perhaps he should take a lesson from my wife, who thinks polygamy should be legalized, as long as all the parties are consenting adults — and who is also completely open-minded about gay sex. Though as with polygamy, probably not within her own marriage.
In other news, a couple of nice previews have appeared for The Year of Living Biblically in The New York Daily News, New York magazine and American Way magazine.
I did a guest-blog gig at my friend Penelope Trunk’s great blog, The Brazen Careerist
Plus, I’m part of this program called Amazon Vine, where they send advance copies of the book to a handful of respected Amazon reviewers. I’ve been loving the reviews. I was especially touched by the reviewer who wished my sons happy birthday on August 24. Thank you! I’m glad I fessed up in the book to reading my own Amazon reviews so that they knew I’d see it.
My former biblical slave
If you read THE YEAR OF LIVING BIBLICALLY, you might remember my biblical slave — Kevin Roose. In the intervening couple of years, Kevin has been released from bondage and has written a remarkable book that comes out this week.
To back up: During my year, I was looking for a way to address slavery, because parts of the Bible seem to condone the practice. The closest thing to a legal slave in the Tri-State area? An intern. It fulfills the ‘unpaid labor’ part of the definition, at least. So I hired Kevin – then an 18-year-old freshman at Brown University – as my intern/slave for a summer. He did research. He sold my possessions on eBay for me. He baked me a delicious loaf of Ezekiel bread (see p. 305)
Kevin also came with me on a research trip to Jerry Falwell’s church in Lynchburg, Virginia. I remember he was fascinated. When we got back to New York, Kevin had an idea: What if he transferred from Brown University to Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University for a semester, and wrote about the experience. He’d go from America’s most secular, liberal, loosey-goosey college to the most religious, conservative, strict college. He’d be a stranger in a strange land. Kevin – a lifelong Blue State secular man – would get a taste of the other side.
I thought it was a great idea and introduced him to a literary agent. And guess what? He did it. He wrote the book, and it comes out from Grand Central Publishing this week.
It’s called THE UNLIKELY DISCIPLE. And I’m excited to report it’s really really good. He didn’t take the easy road, which would be to mock those across the cultural divide. Instead, he went into this venture with curiosity and compassion and an open mind.
Kevin doesn’t agree with a lot (okay, most) of Falwell’s theology and politics. He doesn’t let the late pastor off easy for his views on homosexuality. But at the same time, he treats the Liberty folks fairly and seriously. And he even finds life-changing wisdom in aspects of the Liberty worldview.
He followed the ultra-strict rules: No cursing, no drinking, no R-rated movies. He took classes in creationism. He dated a Liberty girl (he kissed her on the cheek, which is the equivalent of third base, and is a three-reprimand offense). He went with a group to proselytize to the drunken college sinners at Spring Break in Daytona. He wrote for the Liberty newspaper and did the last interview with Jerry Falwell before Falwell died. He prayed. He sang in the choir.
Granted, I’m a little biased, but I’m not the only one who likes the book. Christian leaders Rob Bell and Brian McLaren both gave the book glowing blurbs. As did Publishers Weekly. And Liberty itself thought the portrayal was fair, and Kevin will be doing an event down there in a few weeks.
By the way, did I mention he was 19 when he did all this? He’s 21 now. Makes me sick. I am covetous of his age.
Here’s an excerpt from Salon:
http://www.salon.com/mwt/excerpt/2009/03/18/unlikely_disciple/index.html
And here’s a link to Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Unlikely-Disciple-Semester-Americas-University/dp/044617842X/